weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
