Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
