stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
