I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
