the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
