everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
