You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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