When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dicks are not precious.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
