she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
