I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
