You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
