Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
