Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
