I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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