I need to stop coming to work sober
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
