I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
