oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
