ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
