we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
