Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
