finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
