She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize