What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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