answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
