my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
