You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
