Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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