Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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