craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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