I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
