Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
