how do flat chested girls get laid?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
