in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
