if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
