There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
