what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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