boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
