i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
