Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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