Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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