Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
