So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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