Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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