I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm like, not good at living.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
