I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
