I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
