When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
