Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
