Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
