is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
