His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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