You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
