Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
