you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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