My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
