Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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