I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize