omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
