I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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