No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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