he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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