cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
