oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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