I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
