I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
