K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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