OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
