I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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