laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
