he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
