I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
