it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
